Tater Lane

By Rixon Lane

Tater Lane is about to turn up. 

In honor of South Carolina's performance last Saturday, I'm petitioning Clemson to hire Michael Buffer to stand at midfield before kickoff and say "LLLLLLET'S GET READY TO FUMMMMMBLE!"

Noon kick on Saturday. Gives literal meaning to "where the Blue Ridge yawns its greatness…"

Quarterback problem? What quarterback problem? We can start Stoudt, Watson, or Schuessler. That's practically like having Montana, Young, and Brady on the same team. 

Ain't nobody over here scared of that big, bad SEC offense. We've got the top-rated defense in the country. Plus, we already faced an SEC….well, we've got the top-rated defense in the country.

Lame move by Slurrier to run up the score by throwing a pass to his quarterback. If you really want his Heisman stock to rise, have him shove a referee. 

Saw that Coot kicker is talking smack. Tell that nerd to take his glasses off, then we'll talk. What? That's not the right kicker? Well….tell him I'm eating cupcakes, that'll show him. 

Enough about this game. Let's talk about some actual rivalries. 

Egg Bowl should be a fun watch. The biggest collection of upper-class rednecks you'll ever see. Kinda the football equivalent of the Tallahassee Country Club. 

'Noles are gonna show some of that ACC dominance in Gainesville. Serves the Gators right. KEEP YER HANDS OFF MY COACH, YOU DANG DERTY GATORS!!!!

By the way, Wake Forest vs. Virginia Tech last Saturday? Instant classic. But you won't hear that over on ESECPN. #bias