How to be Overconfident for USC's 2015 Football Season (Part Two)

Game 8: at Texas A&M
Not so trill now, are ya Tammy? “Tammy” is what I’ve decided to call Texas A&M since they’re often abbreviated as TAMU, and Tammy just rolls off the tongue better. I digress. If you thought you were too overconfident for last year’s opener, just wait until the rematch! Carolina has added reason to want to win, as avenging last year’s humiliating defeat would really emphasize the team’s growth and improvement. You want Carolina to win so you can avenge your humiliating defeat at the party your neighbor held last year. You only ate 1.5 burgers, two sausages, and just a measly spoonful of baked beans. USC is looking for a revenge performance, and so should you. I recommend making use of the slow cooker, maybe throwing in some pulled pork?

Game 9: at Tennessee
What are you nervous about? Isn’t this supposed to be about overconfidence in the face of anything? Sure, Tennessee got the win last year, and they continue to improve with each passing season. Plus, Josh Dobbs is still there, and he did mean things to USC in the previous meeting. But forget all of that! If you want to be overconfident for this game, then you need to commit the cardinal sin: look ahead. That’s right, don’t even think about the Volunteers for one second. Pretend they don’t exist. Just keep looking straight ahead towards a far more winnable game against Florida. Also, Josh Dobbs doesn’t have eyebrows, so hasn’t USC already won?

Game 10: Florida
No Jeff Driskel? No problem! It’s not like Treon Harris was really blowing anybody away last season. Plus, I’m pretty sure Will Muschamp left a massive upper-decker in the toilet of the coach’s office. Florida is in a rebuilding process, and no team is good during year one of rebuilding, even in college athletics. To be extra overconfident for this game, don’t just make fun of Florida or disparage them in conversation. Go out, find a Florida fan, and laugh right in their face. Remind them of the misery that is their football team. Spit on them, if you’d like. Personally, I’m not much of a spitter, but I will gladly put down a Florida fan to boost my own confidence in South Carolina. Man, I’m getting the spit itch right now. Might have to go find me a Florida fan to spit on. 

Game 11: The Citadel
Aw, well this is just sad. Sorry folks, your overconfidence will be tapped out with this game. There’s nothing I can do to make you more confident in South Carolina’s assured victory. In fact, why don’t you go out, find a Citadel student or grad, and just give them a nice, long hug. I’m sure they could use it. They have to watch their team go out and just get creamed by the Gamecocks, and that’s never a good feeling. Imagine the poor military men and women sitting in the crowd, watching live as Brandon Wilds eats one of their young in the middle of the endzone. It’s just cruel, and frankly, inhumane. I’ll still watch, though. I’m only human.

Game 12: Clemson
You know what? I’m throwing out the premise of the article for this game. Do not be overconfident. Don’t be showboat-y, or act like USC is going to wipe the floor with Clemmy. That happened last year when everybody thought Deshaun Watson was out, and instead, he played on a torn ACL and kicked a lot of ass. So instead of getting overconfident, get mad. Get angry. Get in the kind of mood where every sip of beer and bite of BBQ has a purpose, the purpose of which is to give you energy to hate Clemson with. Win or lose, Clemson is still going to be there in the morning, and they’re going to face South Carolina next year, too, and that should make you mad. So if you must have confidence in one thing, let it be the everlasting power of your hatred.