How does this happen? How does the entire NCAA collaborate to make sure every team is playing a cupcake or an otherwise uninteresting game the week before all their rivalry games? This isn't like the NFL either, where there's just 32 teams that can collaborate and make devious plans. This is 120+ teams over multiple conferences, each trying to one up the other. Yet, they still come together to create an incredibly boring week of football. I can't believe I'm going to voluntarily watch a Conference USA game. I'm in a dark place.
Kansas State @ West Virginia, Thursday, 7 pm: Do quarterback names come any whiter than Clint Trickett? He sounds like a guy from Days of Thunder. Get that guy a NASCAR sponsorship ASAP!
North Carolina @ Duke, Thursday, 7:30 pm: I really wish this was a rivalry that meant something in football. Instead, it's just ACC football. I'll watch them when they play hoops.
Kansas @ Oklahoma, Saturday, Noon: Oklahoma is 7-3, but lost all of their games against ranked teams. Kansas, meanwhile, has been a bit fiesty, in a crappy sort of way.
Minnesota @ Nebraska, Saturday, Noon: Look, all of the games this week are pretty lame, so why not watch Ameer Abdullah run over the Golden Gophers? That's entertainment!
Marshall @ UAB, Saturday, Noon: Marshall is undefeated, and Rakeem Cato is a true Heisman candidate. This is the only reason you should ever watch Conference USA football.
Boston College @ Florida State, Saturday, 3:30 pm: This weekend, we are all Boston College fans. Just like next week, we'll all be Florida fans. Does ANYbody like FSU? The answer is no.
Ole Miss @ Arkansas, Saturday, 3:30 pm: I kinda forgot Ole Miss existed after they lost to LSU and Auburn, but they're still in the top ten! Good for you, Bo Wallace.
Arizona @ Utah, Saturday, 3:30 pm: This is the marquee matchup by default. At least this is a P-12 game played during the day, so we'll get to see what the fuss is all about.
Vanderbilt @ Mississippi State, Saturday, 7:30 pm: Vandy is going to get murdered in this one. I don't think they'll survive this game. I'm talking actual deaths here, people! CALL FOR HELP!
Missouri @ Tennessee, Saturday, 7:30 pm: This gets the primetime slot on ESPN? What has the SEC East come to? HOW IS MIZZOU STILL RANKED? And why doesn't Josh Dobbs have eyebrows?!
USC @ UCLA, Saturday, 8 pm: Brah, this game is hella Cali. Let's go cruise the PCH up to Topanga and drop acid while we take Vines of each other wearing hats.